How can I improve my relationship with my sister?

My sister always points it out when she's dissappointed or not getting what she wants. For instance when we invite her for dinner, she'll points out that this isn't the way she prepares the same dish. If we invite her for breakfast and serve ham, eggs, hash browns and rye toast, she'll remind us that she doesn't like ham, she only likes bacon (crisp and so thin you can see through it). Oh, she'll eat it but she'll sigh, and point out that we didn't cook to please her. Recently she was ill, and I'm very sorry she was ill, but when I called her she said "its ok, you don't have to send me flowers, I got 4 arrangements and one live plant already" Ok, I didn't think of getting her flowers so now I've felt terrible for two days about it and feeling guilty is giving me an ulcer. I so want to be close to her but I can't get passed feeling manipulated all the time. When we go out to dinner she often points out poor service to the mgmt hoping for a free meal. It drives me crazy.

How can I improve my relationship with my sister?
You need to invite her out for coffee or for a drink somewhere and have a heart to heart talk about it. DON'T attack or blame or make her feel like she is wrong. She handles things differently, that's all. You just want to explain to her that when she does these things you mentioned, it hurts you feelings and make YOU feel bad.





Her expecting a gift of flowers when she is not feeling well is an insult to you. It's not all about her. It seems she doesn't take into count what the other person intentions are. Inviting her to dinner is not for the purpose of "servicing her needs" or making the dinner to her liking. In fact, it’s not about the food at all. You are doing this to spend some time with your sister and to share you life with her. It would be different if she was allergic or had special dietary needs (diabetic for example), but that doesn't seem to be the case here. Besides, if you got her flowers or something - I'm sure she would have told you that you didn't get the kinds she likes. I can understand being frustrated trying to please someone who is like this.





Express to her your strong desire to have a close relationship. She might feel that she is being attacked or might try to tell you that it's not her that has to change, but you that does. If she does say this - ask her "Ok then, what do I do that is incorrect?" "How can I be a better sister to you?" You'll have to try and let her know it's not that you think you are perfect either. Heck - there very well could be something you are doing that is driving her crazy. Everyone has room for improvement. You're just trying to make the relationship between the two of you better before you get so frustrated that you stop inviting her over for dinner, or calling her when she is sick or even wanting to be a sister to her.





This might take more then one conversation, there is no quick fix out there.





One last thought - she might be jealous of you and they way for her (in her mind) to get back on an even playing field is to try and knock you down some.





Good luck and I really hope you two can find a way to be the close sisters you want to be.
Reply:You can only accept your sister for who she is and stop worrying so much about pleasing her all the time. It seems to me from what you said that she treats everyone this way, and not just you. There for I would take that as a sign of simply being who she is and not something that you have to live up to or that your disappointing her. Stop feeling guilty for being human and not getting everything perfect for her because it will never happen. Just learn to accept that this is who she is and that she probably wouldn't be happy if she didn't have something to complain about.
Reply:i got a sister just like that, you have to remember you are what you are. people try to change other people it is very hard to do, just remember she is who she is love her for it , but don't try and change the way a person is that make them who they are.
Reply:When you invite your sister over for dinner or breakfast, tell her it's going to be a potluck and for her to bring a few dishes. That way she will always have a choice of food she wants. If she still complains then use "tough love" and don't invite her anymore. When she asks the reason tell her that she is too hard to please. Be honest. Sometimes the person does not know that they are being difficult unless you address it with them. When you go out to restaurants, have her pick the place and when she does her complaining routine to not pay for the meal kindly remind her that she picked the place and embarrass her by pointing out that you can't complain about a meal that you finish and she should have said something when she first got the meal. Hold her accountable for her rudeness.
Reply:Yep-per I know the Feeling, Here is what worked for me.


I invited my brother to dinner who was a mirror image, of what I read. I asked if there were any special diets, he has to be concerned about. He responded, and I adjusted.


I asked Him to bring anything special he would like to eat, he did, we just enjoyed each others company. As far as I could tell I was always in competition with him, after not being drug into his negatives, and changing the subject it has been better. Cheers ya all Be Well
Reply:I'm sorry to hear that things are the best between you and your sister. My sister and I are very close, but it wasn't always that way. Is she is the youngest? She sounds unhappy and that she is taking it out on you. The best thing that I can recommend is talking to her. When she does things like that call her on it and ask her why. Or sigh and say I slaved away all day and that's all you can say to me. Give her a taste. However that may not get you a good response. I guess if you talk to her about it and say your peace and things don't change if you want to continue to do things together you will just have to ignore it. Hopefully it is something she will grow out of.
Reply:Sounds like your sister is the one that needs to be asking that question. You sound like you are doing everything you can. I think the only way is to confront her on her behavior and how it drives you nuts. Although it's rare for someone to change at that age. (late 20's/30's im guessing?)
Reply:I have a friend like that and I just ignor it. It drives me nuts too but she's your sister. Hopefully you do sometimes do things for her.
Reply:tell her stop it. and explainto her why it pisses everyone off and is annoying. that she should feel like she has to do that. she does it for attention and wants to feel like everyone is thinking of her ALL the time. she wants meals prepared her way all the time. tell her to shut up next time she goes on some rant and tell her that NO ONE CARES. mayeb no one has stood up to her before and thats why she feels its alright. she needs someone to tell her off
Reply:go 2 her and tell her tht it is really annoying when she tries 2 point things out tht r really rude and if tht doesn't work then either pray about it or tlk 2 someone who has the same problem as u do.
Reply:"kill them with kindness"





This is her problem, not your problem. Just listen and be kind... it usually helps them see that they are being a brat.
Reply:I think the best thing to do is to talk to her. Call her over one evening to have coffee or something and let it all out. tell her how much you want to be close to her but that her constant nagging is awful and makes you feel bad. Expressing your true feelings to her is in my opinion the best way. if you see that she's stubborn or doesn't care what you have to say then %26amp;*%%26amp;* her.
Reply:Just tell her how you feel, but try being diplomat about it. i know at first, she'll take it hard, but that will give her time to think about it, and you'll feel better after.
Reply:It sounds to me she doesn't realise that what she does makes you feel so emotionally drained. You must definitely ought to sit her down and talk to her about how you feel. I think though when you have this conversation with her you ought to minimise the criticism and emphasize that you love her but you that are frustrated that she does all these things. I'll agree with you that it's embarrasing when siblings or a member of the family tries to get a free meal in a resturant over poor service etc (I've been there). Good luck.
Reply:Just do what she does so can see how annoying it is and hopefully it'll make her realise the error of her ways!
Reply:Your sister has a selfish side, doesn't she? She is very manipulative and controlling and is obiviously use to getting things her own way. I think she'll find aproblem with anything no matter what.


But, when you invite to partake in a meal with you. STraight out ask her what she would like. Ask her, do you like the corn steamed or boiled? Go out of your way a little.


As for going out to dine. Get use to it. Let her act up and try for the free meal.


You just aren't going to change her and don't let her know that you are upset about it. Just remember, this is who she is and chances are, she will always be this way.


If you put on a green table cloth, she'll say she like red....


Getting closer hasn't athing to do with it. Just accept that fact that this is who she is. She sas something nasty or hateful, just smile and say, "sorry, I didn't look at it like that." Then let it go. Or you could just ignore the statement and continue a conversation about something else.


Take stress tabs before you expect to be with her and smile and bear it.


Don't ever ask for her opinion on the food or take it personal when she "offers" her opinion.


She's prima donna, that's the fact...............enjoy life and don't let her bother you.....just be a good wall to have her selfish little antics bounced off of.


She wants everyone to rallie to her side.....let me ask you, does she rallie to do anything for others? I doubt this very much.............see what I am saying?
Reply:Dont invite her out to eat.
Reply:am
Reply:if she is a real sister to you, i think you still have to sustain her because she is form own blood,if you your relations with her, someday will come (be sure of that) you'll regret
Reply:She's obviously a control freak and trying to manipulate you; which it appears she is doing a great job of accomplishing. Why do you feel you have to cave in to her? Tell her you are sorry that she is never happy with anything, therefore you will not be inviting her to any more meals. Within a short period of time, hopefully she will realize you are done giving in to her and change her attitude. Keep in mind that some people are never happy with anything because they are unhappy with themselves. You can't change that, but you can protect yourself from their bitterness.
Reply:she has that personality and you can't change it. just remember,she is your sister and she may not show love like you do. i have a brother same way. and i learned to just have the best time you can with them the way they are, because you never know when you could loose them.
Reply:obviously your sister is unhappy within herself just because shes your sister doesn't mean you always have to see her she drains you when you see her because of the way she acts just see her when it is necessary and you will be happier.
Reply:wow..u seem to have a very tough to deal with sis... but shes ur sis and if she wont change to the best u try to ignor every annoyin thing she does and just keep treating her good...eventually she'll stop or i hope she will


good luck..really comin form my heart
Reply:It seems like your sister is jealous of you did your parents spend more time with you then here. Have you tried to explain how she makes you feel and that you want to have a close relationship with her. She seems lonely also.
Reply:let her know shes driven u nuts, or just dont inviter her over for dinner or breakfast go to her place.
Reply:i really dont know what to tell you i dont have a sister and if i did i would spend every last second withher so your lucky you have her
Reply:well are u kidding me cuz i have a sister with a good relashionship and we get along just fine


well take to her take her outside to play
Reply:Try to spend some time away from her and i know you love her but it might be a Little bit hard but just avoid her and if it bothers you of what she is doin just start Acting like her when shes around and let her know how you feel when she does that stuff and eventually if u stay away from her long enough she will appreciate it when yall are together